The Miserable Student's Words of Wisdom - 2018

 

Amazing - his THIRD year of delivering one-liners jokes he's expressed on the home page (more or less) every week over 2018. Here's the best of them.

''My girlfriend said that love and passion was much better on holiday. At least, that's what she said on her postcard.'

'It's true that I'm driven by my work. My girlfriend keeps forgetting to drop me off at the office.'

 

'Someone says there's going to be a presentation on fortune telling, but they don't know when it'll be.'

'I wanted to organise a seminar on time management but I didn't know how long that would take.'

'I was invited to a meeting of people with no sense of direction but I didn't know which way to go.'

'I once applied to be a monk for a silent order. I must have been unsuccessful as nothing was said at the interview.'

'I wanted to form a sarcasm club but when I asked people for their opinions, I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not.'

'At a bus station a bus stops. A train stops at a train station. So what about my work station?'

'I've getting so old now that instead of sneaking out of home to go to friend's parties I'm sneaking out of parties to go home.'

'I bought myself a new smartphone from a Chinese company. I showed it to my girlfriend. She seemed both amazed and surprised. She said, 'Wow! Why?'

'I always take a break after a lot of exercise. Usually about two months.'

'I've got such a bad memory that I had to see a specialist doctor. He said I'd seen him before and asked me where his 1,000 euros was...'

'After spending my holidays visiting the factories of Good Year, Dunlop, Michelin, Bridgestone and Pirelli, I was rather tyred afterwards.'

'You know, kids' vocabulary today really is terrible. They don't know any word that means something so bad or unpleasant that it shocks you. I think it's appalling.'

'When I was at school I studied physics while my girlfriend studied biology. Unfortunately, we split very soon because there was no chemistry.'

'My friend told me he'd got something that was really cool. It was a fridge.'

'I was asked if I'd like to speak at a conference about procrastination, but it's been postponed until next week. Or maybe the week after...'

'I was asked if I'd like to speak at a conference about the lack of opportunities. I told them no chance.'

'I decided to begin a new job in making handles, handgrips and levers. For career advancement, I think it'll open doors.'

'You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

'My friend said he would prove that time travel existed. He threw his watch out of the window.'

'Think of your brain as an app. You'll start using it then.'

'War does not decide who's right. Only who is left.'

'Incorrect. Mistaken. Erroneous. Off beam. Wide of the mark. I mean, they're all wrong!'

'You want 30 minutes every day to spend time away from your work desk? Give me a break.'

 

'I just spent five hours just watching people getting involved in the act or process of making or enlarging a load of holes. It was boring.'

'My friend said, 'After months of being unemployed and no money, I'm now in a position of a high quality standard capacity that earns money.' and I said, 'Good job!'

'My girlfriend wants to borrow some money from me. She said, as she left to go to her parents, 'leave me a loan.'

'I took an exam on extreme temperatures. I was rubbish as I scored an absolute zero.'

'I read my girlfriend's horoscope this morning. It looks like I'm in for a bad day.'

'A man said we really should appreciate the fact that we live in a state of indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. Sounds like it's about time.'

 

Words of Wisdom 2016   Features   Home

The Miserable Student's Words of Wisdom - 2018

 

Amazing - his THIRD year of delivering one-liners he's expressed on the home page (more or less) every week over 2018. Here's the best of them.

'When my girlfriend said she demanded my presents, I thought she wanted all my gifts, not to tell me face-to-face she was leaving me...'

My girlfriend said that love and passion was much better on holiday. At least, that's what she said on her postcard.'

'It's true that I'm driven by my work. My girlfriend keeps forgetting to drop me off at the office.'

 

'Someone says there's going to be a presentation on fortune telling, but they don't know when it'll be.'

'I wanted to organise a seminar on time management but I didn't know how long that would take.'

'I was invited to a meeting of people with no sense of direction but I didn't know which way to go.'

'I once applied to be a monk for a silent order. I must have been unsuccessful as nothing was said at the interview.'

'I wanted to form a sarcasm club but when I asked people for their opinions, I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not.'

'At a bus station a bus stops. A train stops at a train station. So what about my work station?'

'I've getting so old now that instead of sneaking out of home to go to friend's parties I'm sneaking out of parties to go home.'

'I bought myself a new smartphone from a Chinese company. I showed it to my girlfriend. She seemed both amazed and surprised. She said, 'Wow! Why?'

'I always take a break after a lot of exercise. Usually about two months.'

'I've got such a bad memory that I had to see a specialist doctor. He said I'd seen him before and asked me where his 1,000 euros was...'

'After spending my holidays visiting the factories of Good Year, Dunlop, Michelin, Bridgestone and Pirelli, I was rather tyred afterwards.'

'You know, kids' vocabulary today really is terrible. They don't know any word that means something so bad or unpleasant that it shocks you. I think it's appalling.'

'When I was at school I studied physics while my girlfriend studied biology. Unfortunately, we split very soon because there was no chemistry.'

'My friend told me he'd got something that was really cool. It was a fridge.'

'I was asked if I'd like to speak at a conference about procrastination, but it's been postponed until next week. Or maybe the week after...'

'I was asked if I'd like to speak at a conference about the lack of opportunities. I told them no chance.'

'I decided to begin a new job in making handles, handgrips and levers. For career advancement, I think it'll open doors.'

'You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

'My friend said he would prove that time travel existed. He threw his watch out of the window.'

'Think of your brain as an app. You'll start using it then.'

'War does not decide who's right. Only who is left.'

'Incorrect. Mistaken. Erroneous. Off beam. Wide of the mark. I mean, they're all wrong!'

'You want 30 minutes every day to spend time away from your work desk? Give me a break.'

 

'I just spent five hours just watching people getting involved in the act or process of making or enlarging a load of holes. It was boring.'

'My friend said, 'After months of being unemployed and no money, I'm now in a position of a high quality standard capacity that earns money.' and I said, 'Good job!'

'My girlfriend wants to borrow some money from me. She said, as she left to go to her parents, 'leave me a loan.'

'I took an exam on extreme temperatures. I was rubbish as I scored an absolute zero.'

'I read my girlfriend's horoscope this morning. It looks like I'm in for a bad day.'

'A man said we really should appreciate the fact that we live in a state of indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. Sounds like it's about time.'

 

Words of Wisdom 2017   Words of Wisdom 2016   Features   Home

The Miserable Student's Words of Wisdom - 2018

 

Amazing - his THIRD year of delivering one-liners he's expressed on the home page (more or less) every week over 2018. Here's the best of them.

'When my girlfriend said she demanded my presents, I thought she wanted all my gifts, not to tell me face-to-face she was leaving me...'

'My girlfriend said that love and passion was much better on holiday. At least, that's what she said on her postcard.'

'It's true that I'm driven by my work. My girlfriend keeps forgetting to drop me off at the office.'

 

'Someone says there's going to be a presentation on fortune telling, but they don't know when it'll be.'

'I wanted to organise a seminar on time management but I didn't know how long that would take.'

'I was invited to a meeting of people with no sense of direction but I didn't know which way to go.'

'I once applied to be a monk for a silent order. I must have been unsuccessful as nothing was said at the interview.'

'I wanted to form a sarcasm club but when I asked people for their opinions, I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not.'

'At a bus station a bus stops. A train stops at a train station. So what about my work station?'

'I've getting so old now that instead of sneaking out of home to go to friend's parties I'm sneaking out of parties to go home.'

'I bought myself a new smartphone from a Chinese company. I showed it to my girlfriend. She seemed both amazed and surprised. She said, 'Wow! Why?'

'I always take a break after a lot of exercise. Usually about two months.'

'I've got such a bad memory that I had to see a specialist doctor. He said I'd seen him before and asked me where his 1,000 euros was...'

'After spending my holidays visiting the factories of Good Year, Dunlop, Michelin, Bridgestone and Pirelli, I was rather tyred afterwards.'

'You know, kids' vocabulary today really is terrible. They don't know any word that means something so bad or unpleasant that it shocks you. I think it's appalling.'

'When I was at school I studied physics while my girlfriend studied biology. Unfortunately, we split very soon because there was no chemistry.'

'My friend told me he'd got something that was really cool. It was a fridge.'

'I was asked if I'd like to speak at a conference about procrastination, but it's been postponed until next week. Or maybe the week after...'

'I was asked if I'd like to speak at a conference about the lack of opportunities. I told them no chance.'

'I decided to begin a new job in making handles, handgrips and levers. For career advancement, I think it'll open doors.'

'You know you're old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

'My friend said he would prove that time travel existed. He threw his watch out of the window.'

'Think of your brain as an app. You'll start using it then.'

'War does not decide who's right. Only who is left.'

'Incorrect. Mistaken. Erroneous. Off beam. Wide of the mark. I mean, they're all wrong!'

'You want 30 minutes every day to spend time away from your work desk? Give me a break.'

'I just spent five hours just watching people getting involved in the act or process of making or enlarging a load of holes. It was boring.'

'My friend said, 'After months of being unemployed and no money, I'm now in a position of a high quality standard capacity that earns money.' and I said, 'Good job!'

'My girlfriend wants to borrow some money from me. She said, as she left to go to her parents, 'leave me a loan.'

'I took an exam on extreme temperatures. I was rubbish as I scored an absolute zero.'

'I read my girlfriend's horoscope this morning. It looks like I'm in for a bad day.'

'A man said we really should appreciate the fact that we live in a state of indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. Sounds like it's about time.'

 

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